Studying interlude

Two Caucasian students at the door of the study room evidently thought that it was soundproof, because they were enthusiastically discussing some issue (post exam plans?) in loud voices. The bearded guy, who was the noisier of the two was just carrying on and on, drawing the stares of all the study room inmates to the glass door until his friend finally pushed open the study room door and stepped in, whereupon the bearded guy went on his way.

For a moment, the guy who entered was almost nailed to the door by the strength of our collective stares, and realisation dawned on him that their previous conversation had not been entirely private. He tried to smile placatingly and made a somewhat shamefaced half-gesture in the direction of his friend's departing back as if to excuse his friend's misplaced enthusiasm, then scurried off to sit down.

Fun? Maybe

I've wondered how it would be like to be able to learn Russian, or French, or some other really romantic Western language. Then I wondered how hard it would be to learn it on my own. Anyway, Google threw up this simply splendid site, with links to resources for all kinds of languages, some of which I have never heard of before -- Haida? Ainu (I've heard of this people, like somewhere in Ulu Japan, but didn't know they had a separate language)? how exciting.

Wouldn't it be simply splendid to be able to speak / understand all those languages? Of course, you would have to learn it first, no easy matter =P It takes about a year of college level learning to gain basic fluency in a language -- it really is not to be studied for fun. But I haven't learnt a new language for ages (like, since I was 4 and started learning Malay on top of the English and Chinese I had picked up by then). Anyway, will only start considering this after Wednesday...

Zen

I wanna do something to make myself feel better -- munch on some strawberry yoghurt biscuits, or make a cup of hot chocolate, or sit up and read late into the night, all of which are not particularly good ideas at this point in time. I have just about had my fill of LIFE, sitting here trying to finish up this chapter of notes, while the people in the study room dwindle. And I was not even able to scream at the hapless guy who dislodged my computer plug for the second time in this week (ah, too many extenuating circumstances -- the socket was defective, he was very careful and only bumped it lightly, I did not know him, and, he was rather adorable. No wait, this last point is irrelevant =p). The urge to scream came only belatedly, after I had gotten my computer restarted again, but it is past now.

On second thought, I AM doing something to make myself feel better. Right now. I think life is always more manageable when you put it in perspective, when you laugh at your own prissiness and pains, when you blog about it, not to release your anger, but to look at it from a different perspective. Life has got to be more than uncompleted notes, than incidents that you can't laugh at nor cry about, than a growling feeling in your tummy when you need to go to bed, than a thousand and one things that you wish you could change about the world but can't.

When life is all sugar and spice, like the lazy days of the vacation with no enforced privations I seem to become numb to the little joys of life, letting the days slip too easily between wide-open fingers. Now I can appreciate the glow that comes with shaping my feelings into words, late at night, using a bit of borrowed, if not stolen, time. Cocooned in near silence, with the distant chatter of some exchange students (who probably have finished exams already) drifting in from outside the room. But it is high time I packed up and went back to my room now. Sweet dreams all.

Exams and other woes

When I think of the fact that some people have already finished their exams, I want my exams to have ended already also! On the other hand, I wish that I had more time till the exams, 'cos I haven't finished studying yet, nor finished typing out the exams notes, nor tried out the exams questions yet. So this is a paradox I can't resolve: to want to have ended exams already, and to want to have the exams start later.

Oh, exams are just such a pain, that we all think that life must certainly be better after we graduate. But then people come and tell us that we students have it best, and that we had better enjoy it while we can. So it's sad to think that even though we have little to enjoy now, we are slated to have even less to enjoy in the future. After blissful childhood, it seems that life just goes downhill all the way.

A danger averted

The best thing to do when some people come at you brandishing cake frosting on their hands and sporting evil gleams in their eyes, is not to run, nor to scream. I must also stress that dodging is close to impossible, especially when you are outnumbered and on the wrong end of a medium-sized room (ie far away from the door).

I had washed my hair yesterday morning and thought that there was only a small chance that the birthday celebration that afternoon would be messy and involve food for purposes other than consumption. I thought we had grown outta it long ago. Mind you, there was a time when eggs, flour and leftover cake featured prominently in our birthday celebrations, to the greatest amusement of all concerned. But following an ultimate orgy of egging and creaming (and cleaning) October last year, it seemed like everyone tacitly agreed not to open that door marked 'food fight' again. I mean, even the worse we did to CY on his birthday in June was to chuck him in the fountain and even that was because of something he said (wrongly), haha.

This time, KN was chasing my brother armed with white cake mousse and had managed to daub him with some, and then the both of them took it into their heads to apply mousse on me (!!!!!). What had I done? Anyway, there I was cowering behind a big brown table, laden with the paraphernalia of all the people who were studying in the study room earlier that day -- laptops, books and an assortment of sweaters. There they were, the two maniacal creaming zombies, approaching step-by-step in a theatrically menacing manner. Oh, they could take their time, since there was nowhere for me to run, until they had creamed my hair to their heart's content and moved on to 'cleaner' pastures. For a moment, it seemed as if all was lost, and I was going to have to re-wash my freshly washed hair and hey, this is not something you can do with rebonded hair. The next thing you know, my hair would be a frizzy mass of unmanageable fibres, snarling at the ends.

In this almost life-or-death situation, I spied Tiang's large and fluffy, warm and woolly blue sweater hanging on a nearby chair and a desperate notion took hold of my mind. I hesitated only a moment before I grabbed the sweater and wrapped it around my entire head and face and huddled down on the floor. This stumped the two creaming zombies for a moment -- they were faced with a totally new situation when the target creamee (as opposed to creamer) could no longer be processed with the same, old approach. They could not cream my face and hair which were totally obscured. They knew that they should not cream someone else's sweater which would then have to be dry-cleaned. Someone, (I think it was KN) tried experimentally tugging at the sweater, which I held in a death grip, but was prevented from properly grabbing it and yanking it away by the thought of his creamy hands (I'm not sure how Tiang's expression was like at that time, but I'm sure it could not have been encouraging). Thwarted, the creaming zombies merely smeared a little cream on my exposed arms as a token and left it at that.

KY was not so fortunate. He beat an early retreat when the fun and games started, but they tracked him down in the laundry room and like, annihilated him, so thoroughly did they cream his face and hair, to release the angst of not being able to cream me. Somehow, no one thought of creaming Loon, sitting docilely in a corner watching a Chinese serial on SL's comp. Perhaps the sight of the lady amazon by his side filled the creaming zombies with foreboding. At any rate, Loon's cleanliness was not threatened, even for one moment.

I had bolted out of the danger zone as soon as I saw an opening, and when Tiang came out I returned his sweater to him, still almost in a pristine condition, save for a tiny smudge of cream. So sorry, but it saved my life, or at least, my hair. Words cannot express the depth of my gratitude, and thy sweater shall be praised forever, wherever this story is told, as it is being told now, and as it shall be told for generations to come...

Morning blues

Bright and clean morning in the larger study room, with a hint of rain in the clouds and a mild nip in the passing wind. I had to be kiasu and come down early to get my preferred place and there were not many people to begin with but they are all starting to drift in now.

I'm not in a very good mood at the moment, because I suspect from the characteristic ache in my shoulders that I haven't slept enough, but it really is too early in the morning for a nap, for goodness sake. I had planned for a good 7 hours sleep and set my alarm as such but was too keyed up to really sleep properly or sleep well, and woke even before the alarm that I set rang. Blundered out of room into the washroom and had a few bleary words with my clustermate who told me that she is sitting for a paper later in the day and it just hit me that -- reading week was over and the exam period had begun proper. The term was winding to its inexorable end again -- all too soon, and almost too suddenly. Catches me unawares, it does.

All the people around me are working hard, and I suppose it is a good thing. I have 3 sets of notes which I would like to finish before the day draws to a close, and there is no time like the present to get started on a task. So. Werk, werk, werk.

Getting more and more kiasu, aren't we?

Breakfast today was sponsored and lovingly prepared by JH; eggs and noodles, eaten in the r2 study room at 8am in the morning. The main intention was to marshall the forces to the study room at an early hour to prevent occupation by alien invaders, who roam the place armed with studying paraphernalia, looking for a room to colonize. For the past two days, aliens have managed to beat my friends to that room, leaving them displaced and drifting, searching for alternative study spots, and settling in less ideal places with poor wireless coverage.

This morning we opened our bleary eyes at an impossibly early hour in a heroic effort to regain lost ground, an operation which was ultimately successful, due to the timely intervention of SL who forwent (the past tense of forgo is apprently not 'forgoed') a night's sleep to be at the study room at 6+am, occupying the entire room with his sheer presence (and notes and 2 bags) until reinforcement arrived at 8+am (ie, me). But for his heroic effort, the stronghold would have been lost to invading forces -- at the time I arrived, an enemy scout was surveying the target territory from outside for possible takeover. Because the stronghold was secured from within by our friendly forces, she eventually decided that invasion was not a feasible option.

Victory it seemed, was ours -- for today. As more reinforcements poured into the study room and helped themselves to Brunei noodles and scrambled eggs, I asked JH if this was also the plan for tomorrow morning. She seemed to deflate a little at the thought of another early morning, then laughed: "Maybe. See how la."

The early bird gets the study room

Early, early morning, and the kiasu person that I am has already gotten myself and my stuff settled into a place at the study room, ahead of potential competitors for this little niche and its corresponding power point. Study room space are at a premium now, since they are air conditioned, but there are too few of them at PGP, and are mostly taken up by kiasu early birds (such as myself), or late night owls (who move in after the early birds have gone to bed).

Yesterday I had to go out to run some necessary errands which lasted till mid-afternoon, so when I came back my niche was occupied by a Vietnamese couple who stayed stuck there the whole day and refused to budge (actually they seem nice people, but I am inclined to be irritated at them because 1. They have taken my place 2. The girl listens to her discman at a volume so loud as to be audible to me, sitting next to her, pounding bass in particular. It's also a wonder that human eardrums can tolerate such misuse, but those are her eardrums, not mine.). Small wonder that I am taking steps to prevent a recurrence of such an undesirable situation. Of course, I could study in my room -- since when has an air-conditioned environment been a requirement where I am concerned? Maybe it is not a requirement, but it is greatly preferred. Gosh, I feel like a fussy, demanding old lady, of the sort that I have had the cause to humour recently, the better to develop tolerance and self-control, I'm sure.

Eat chocolate, she says

A sunny, friendly word of advice posted on someone's msn nick -- "Stressed? Eat chocolate."

Haha, I so wish I could. If there was not limit to my stomach, to my purse, to the amount of calories that I could burn every day, I would eat chocolate every moment that I am awake, if it really could bring tangible relief to stress. Note the number of qualifiers in that sentence: My stomach is quickly brought to its limit; my purse is even more limited than my stomach, which is both a pity and a good thing; and I would like a higher metabolism, except that I am not getting it.

Also, does chocolate really make you feel better? It is sweet, it is supposed to stimulate the production of endorphins or what have you, and soothes any emotional bumps, granted, but is only effective taken in moderation, and is never as effective as properly marshalled emotional fortitude. It will temporarily alleviate stress, but is not a panacea, nor is it a solution of any degree of effectiveness. It does not remove the spectre of exams, does not make you feel better of facing it, does not help you to memorise faster, nor give you much needed insight into obscure material.

What does chocolate do? Maybe it makes you feel a little better, puts you in a better mood for studying and maybe prevents distracting stomach growls. But overall, the advice "stressed? eat chocolate" might be good natured and well-intended, but is scarcely practical nor particularly effective.

For want of something easier to analyse, or for want of the aptitude to analyse stiff legal documents, I am actually analysing someone's random advice, given with little thought and taken with even less seriousness. Maybe I should just take that benighted advice and be done with the whole thing.

Grumble and grouse

How am I freaking supposed to study for this module? If I read all the readings and make all the notes it still does not mean a good grade, because this textbook is more like a casebook instead of a predigested, homogenized text. I suppose that looking at the seminar questions would help, and I shall, but I haven't yet. Right now sheer inertia actually makes me very pessimistic that it is going to help, but but don't don't put it off because not thinking about problems actually means less material is going to get straightened out in your mind. I should do it, I should...

Wonder how those people actually do it, to be able to engage with the material, to be able to think deeply on the subject and find really intelligent things to say about it, not because it sounds clever, but because it is an obvious point. Really this semester goes so fast and covers such a wide range of material, of subjects, that something new is upon you before you have had time to think about the old stuff. I really wonder how they expect us to properly engage the material, to properly -- I don't know -- to make intelligent responses over it.

And these lecturers who blithely teach their courses, and then cheerfully tell us that WE are the ones who are expected to put it all together, to organise the material, to draw links between the sections. Growl... Sometimes, I hardly know where to begin. I wish I could tell them to go stick it up their... but lets not be offensive here.

I know university is supposed to teach you to think, to assimilate and utilize information effectively, but what's happening now feels more like being thrown into the deep end, sink or swim. And yet, some people so it brilliantly. Mind you, I'm not looking to do it utterly brilliantly, but I wish that I am not seized with this floundering sensation whenever the spectre of exams loom, or whenever assignment deadlines approach, for that matter.

Is there something I am not doing? Something I'm doing wrong? I hate this uncertainty.

And I hope I'm not worrying anyone, least of all my mom, by writing this. Ok, ok I'll get back to studying now. I'm going, I'm going...

Tribute to KM

This is to a protracted msn conversation deep into the night (or afternoon, depending on which side of the world you are on), a commemoration of pictures exchanged, of hunks admired, of problems that found a sympathetic listening heart. This is to your zest for life, to your inspiration of the same in me, to your encouragement for everything I do. To your inclination to love fervently and hurt deeply and not be afraid of showing it. To wear rejection as a badge and not be overcome nor ashamed by it, but to bravely (or blithely) go on with life.

This is to an interaction that uplifts me and makes me hope to be more than I am now. I want to rise out of this lukewarm attitude to life and find enthusiasm in everything I do. (hmm, should I have put a couple of exclamation marks after that last sentence? anyway)

Haha babe, you really did this. And don't blush to see a tribute to your name, nor think that it is undeserved. Good luck to all that you do, and all that you love. Here's a toast. To Love, Life, and Living. May enthusiasm never wane.