The sticky '' key on my keyboard

Tere's tis sticky '' key on my keyboard tat won't respond to te normal pressure tat I put on oter keys. As a result, wen I was catting on msn just now but not really looking at te keyboard wile typing, quite a few of my sentences came out witout any ''s even toug I distinctly remembered itting tat key wen typing.

So I have to pay more attention to the keyboard and make sure that I do not only tap the 'h' key without actually depressing it. I start to see the difference when I actually pay attention to what I am typing. My sentences certainly look more readable when I do so. I'll bet you never thought about how important the letter 'h' was in the English language :P

Tuition

I walked out of today's tuition feeling surprisingly light-hearted. In fact, I might even go as far as to say that giving tuition actually cheers me up especially after a long day of work. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the tuition kid that I'm teaching -- she is quick, sweet and eager to please. I give her almost zero stress and try to make the tuition a fun activity for her and really, we are almost best buddies now to the point that she feels alright being a bit silly with me. Maybe this might not be such a good thing, but today she was very relaxed and happy throughout and I had fun watching her have fun and listening to her prattle about the things she did and incidents in her school before guiding her back to the passage that we happened to be reading. We digress a lot (what's digress? Oh it means talking about some other things when we are really supposed to be discussing something important and serious here.), although I take care not to go too far but just enough to let her unwind after a piece of work. Actually this is not a bad assignment. If only it wasn't so far...

Bus drivers that wait

I was still quite a distance away from the 200 bus stop this afternoon when bus 200 came. I didn't want to miss it, so although the ground was wet from an ongoing drizzle, I hurried towards it, but moved in an ungainly shuffle that made me wonder if I was walking like a penguin.

All the passengers had boarded, but the bus waited. The driver had seen me. I clambered on board and muttered a slightly breathless thank you to the bus driver, who just sat there gruff and unresponsive. I didn't care. Beneath the rough exterior of his was a soft heart and I was inclined to feel very friendly towards bus drivers that day.

Bus drivers that wait for people are a blessing to society indeed.

Maybe I need new glasses

After tuition today, I happily boarded 197 that would take me within walking distance of PGP. Suddenly I noticed that the driver had just bypassed a turning that he should have taken. Belatedly I realised that it was 147 that I boarded and not 197. The damage was not irreparable, although a short walk was in store for me...

Mistakes

I know, we all make them. But it doesn't make me any less irritated when I, or worse, someone else discovers them. Today I was faxing documents and well, didn't know that documents could be just placed on the tray and faxed as one stack. I hand fed them one by one and they came out each page with it's nice little transmission confirmation slip. Well, I thought that it was just fine, until Kris the Snide Remarks Queen found out and went like:" What!! Fax one by one!? " "It's ok, next time you don't know anything just ask!"

This she repeated several times, interspersed with ejaculations of incredulity that someone could have been so *dumb* as to not know that documents could be faxed as a stack. I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to say that it was ok when she obviously felt that it was not, since she apparently couldn't get over it nor stop making remarks on it. But I bit my tongue and waited for her to run down. Or rather I just sat down at my computer again and ignored her.

What makes me feel slightly better is the fact that it is not really 'me' that she can't get along with. This lady has a bit of a problem talking nicely with other people outside her own clique who are not her superiors. I saw her yesterday latching onto another colleague for calling the handphone of the office hand delivery man that he accidently left on her table, after she had made a general 'announcement'not to do so. So this other colleague was just like 'Huh? What just happened?', then tried to explain herself but to no avail.

I have a friend who declares that he will not tolerate any nonsense in this way from other people, and that he will react strongly and negatively if anyone were to show him such an unpleasant attitude. I wonder whether our dear old Kris has ever met anyone like that before in her working career?

Moving on

Something significant happened in a friend's life yesterday and all I can do is to listen understandingly. This is actually a resolution of something that has been left hanging, so its occurrence is probably something of a relief. It will be a bit difficut to put behind, but well, we are all working towards that.

Singapore is a haven of efficiency and orderliness

But beggars and an assortment of peculiar people still roam its streets nonetheless.

I was having dinner prior to going for my tuition assignment yesterday when this little old lady came up to me and made a vague gesture with two fingers at me."Two dollars", she mouthed. I have been told not to give money indiscriminately to beggars (in case they may use it to gamble or to drink) but to give to established charities if I really wanted to help the poor and homeless.

I waved her off and prepared to continue with my meal. She appeared to drift off but actually went to stand at another corner of my table, all the while making the same feeble gesture at me. "Two dollars", she seemed to be saying, "give me two dollars and I will remove myself and leave you to enjoy your meal in peace". Have I told you that I hate coercion in any form? more so from a beggar that was pleading for alms from me. I wrinkled my brow, hoping she would get the hint, but in retrospect, that must have been a form of encouragement to her, since her strategy is probably to stand around and bug the diners until they fling you some money just to get rid of you.

Suddenly I decided to have a game of endurance with her. Alright my good madam, we will see who gives in first. I proceeded with my meal and resolutely ignored her. After a while, seeing that I was not going to crack, she left.

After my meal, on my way to the bus stop, I was approached by this well dresssed man with a black briefcase under his arm. And what do you think he wanted? Oh, nothing much, he was from China, he was to meet his friend, he lost his way, and really, he would appreciate it if I could just lend him some money so that he could have a meal and take a bus home. I must have looked slightly wild-eyed as I backed away, turned around and fled.

How many people in Singapore can say that they have been approached by two beggars in a day? Did those people think that they might get easy pickings from me? But looks deceive. I might look like I am a sweet and amicable, nice and soft-hearted girl, but I am really a tight-fisted, mean-hearted person *grrrrr...*

On human resource management

An agent from a tuition agency just recently arranged a tuition assignment for me, which I went for yesterday. What is remarkable is not the assignment itself but rather the agent that arranged it for me. On the very first time she told me about the assignment she ended the call with a "teach properly for me, ok?", which left me a bit surprised that she should be so naive as to expect me to teach with her interests in mind. I mean, I will teach properly certainly, but for myself and my student, not for the tuition agent who arranged it, surely. The following few calls also ended the same way, by which time I had gotten accustomed to her manner of speaking.

On the first day of the tuition I had forgotten to bring my certificate for the parent to check, and also my handphone battery was dead and I had no way of recharging it before the tuition. With no other option, I called her using the company phone, but told her not to return the call at that number.

After the tuition I called her again for feedback from the parent and she told me that she had made my excuses to the parent saying that it was her fault that she didn't remind me to bring the cert. Also, she kinda nagged me (but in this patient and longsuffering way) to remember to put it in my bag tonight and absolutely not forget it the next time, since it was very important that the parent was able to verify my credentials. It really made me feel a little sorry that I had put her to so much inconvenience! I mean, everyone can tell you that you have made things difficult for them, but not everyone can put it in a way that makes you feel sorry for doing so.

Perhaps I am contrasting this agent with the previous one, who had arranged an assignment for me which I bailed out from halfway on my (extremely protracted)journey to that student's house. I hadn't counted on the journey taking so long, it was raining, the sky was getting ominously dark, I was atrociously late, and the end was really nowhere in sight. I was like: 'I'm outta here', then changed buses to go home. Well that agent started to roundly abuse me when I told her the bad news on my phone and using my phone money! I didn't let her get very far on her spiel. I didn't feel very remorseful either.

This is the difference between a good people manager and a mediocre people manager. Hats off to the smart tuition agent.

Choi

Is a warm and gentle woman who is a partner in the law firm I work for. She has this depth of maturity and self-assuredness that simply amazes me. She is just so warm and comfortable with everyone she talks with and must have a very reassuring 'bedside manner' when dealing with her clients.

She is nice to everyone, down to the cleaning lady that comes in the morning to clean the office. There is no limit to whom she graciously bestows smiles and kind words on. She is very chummy with my supervisor and I usually can see them kidding each other around and going for lunch together.

Miscellaneous

I have been rather lax in posting for the past few days because somehow I don't spend enough time in my room and even if I do I am engrossed in tidying out my thoughts into my diary which leaves hardly enough time to write blogposts proper. Some things are best expressed in a private piece of writing where one doesn't have to worry about the repercussions of disclosing sensitive information.

Tonight I will have limited alone time in my room again because I am going for a new tuition assignment. It's rather near the place where I stay, which is why I fairly jumped at the opportunity. Hope it works out.

Spoke with my mom the other day and confirmed that she is reading my blog, albeit sporadically. Actually I left the link on the home computer for her to use but was not sure whether she was actually using it or has completely forgotten about it. Anyway, Hi! Love you, Mom.

The self-styled powers that be

A couple of office girls like to consider that they rule the roost among the office staff and not infrequently throw their collective weight around.

Jane the fault-finder lost a fax transmission slip this morning and marauded the office looking for the hapless culprit who had inadvertantly taken it. Threats of denuding the culprit upon discovery were laughingly dropped and when NPG was following Jane around in her search they called him her executioner (all the staff in the office were female). Jane went from table to table and demanded to see all the documents posted or faxed that day. The so-called culprit was later discovered to be Peggy, a nice middle-aged lady. Jane couldn't just overreact in her usual way towards her and the incident was just laughed off.

The the other day I left the cover of the photocopying machine open and a friendly co-worker advised me to be careful of doing that in the future "or else those people will keep on dropping snide remarks about it" those people meaning those said office girls who tend to love announcing your misdeed throughout the office for all to hear. Yep, nobody wrongfoots the Terrible Trio if they can help it.

Keeping in touch

On Friday I suddenly received a mail purporting to be from a friend whom I haven't heard from for ages. (BTW anyone knows what Anthony is doing now? Studying medicine somewhere?) Pleasantly surprised, I opened it to find that it contained an attachment labeled 'Important Bill'. It could be nothing but a virus. I was spooked and deleted the entire thing. Then, I decided to send him a mail highlighting the ironic fact that the firt time I heard from him after such a long time was actually by a mail initiated by a virus.

For a good measure, I decided to send mails to some other people whom I had previously kept in touch with but with whom contact was slowly fading away. Where are they now? how are they doing? I really want to know.

The Chipmunks

A big chipmunk said to a little chipmunk: "I know of a store of acorns here but don't you go telling anyone else, see? Be very careful when you go playing with your friend Paddy the weasel, as weasels are sly and will sooner steal your acorns as chat with you."

But Weasel knew that Little Chipmunk knew of the store of acorns. So he says, licking his chops with a glistening pink tongue:"You have acorns stored somewhere haven't you? Aaah..I know.." But Little Chipmunk will not say anything. Grandmother Chipmunk had always said that people pretend to know more than they usually do, but as long as you know that they are just blowing hot air and don't fall for their pretences, you will not compromise the well-being of other nor the secrecy of knowledge entrusted into your keeping.

So Little Chipmunk says:"The acorns have been finished long ago. This winter we will be eating bark."

"Really?" says Weasel somewhat disbelievingly. Then he wanders off.

Troy

This post will be devoted entirely to the movie 'Troy' that I watched last Saturday but haven't had time to blog about yet.

Prince Hector

The ultimate Good Person. He is shown as a responsible son, a caring brother, a loving husband, a wise counsellor to the King(he turned out to be right when he opposed the other advisors who suggested they attack at dawn), a compassionate person, and one who was fearless in the face of impending death. For it was almost certain that he saw death coming that day, which was why he showed his wife the secret tunnel out of the castle, and attempted to make a pact with Achilles to accord the loser all the proper funeral rites. His one weakness was probably his love for his irresponsible brother, which prevented him from sending Helen back to Sparta after he discovered her on board his ship since he knew Paris would certainly follow her. It is sad that this weakness ultimately led to his undoing and the destruction of everything that he had ever loved and lived for.

King Priam of Troy

I had thought that this old King would overreact when he saw Helen with the returning entourage, since it represented a failure of the errand that he sent his sons on, but no, he had enough faith in his impregnable city walls to be confident of retaining Helen once she arrived within them. When Priam sent his peace emmissaries, he desired peace for it's own sake and not because he was afraid of being attacked by Sparta.

You could see how deeply Priam loved his elder son and what a terrible blow it must have been for him to lose his son and heir and light of his old age in one fell swoop. His love for his son went deeper than any love he had for his station and pride and overcame grief itself to galvanise him into action to regain his son's body. This was probably the only way Priaam would have been able to do his dead son justice, by persuading Achilles that it was just and noble to return Hector's body for burial. It would have been unthinkable for any other king to enter the enemy camp disguised and to beg for the body of his son from the man who killed him and dishonoured his remains but thoughts of his station were never furthest from Priam's mind than when he did what he needed to do to ensure that his most dearly beloved son got the final honour he deserved.

In Priam's own words, he had endured shame beyond that of any other man, he had kissed the hands of the person who killed his son and had previously endured the sight of his elder son killed and dragged away behind a chariot. Achilles was moved. Perhaps the depth of the King's love for his son reminded him of the love he felt for his dead cousin and brought back the fact that Hector did fight a noble fight and die honorably and deserved no less than a hero's wake. He was reminded that in the heat of his own anger and grief, he had forgotten to pay his respects to his fallen enemy, one that deserved it more than any other. This he did belatedly, when he wrapped Hector's bloodied and begrimed body prior to returning it to Priam. In these scenes, beauty, death, honour, love seemed to resonate together in an unearthly and fragile harmony. It was heart-rending.

All the rest

Poor Orlando Bloom was just playing out his part in the story. Paris was just a cowardly man, after all, who took the easy way through life and indulged his whims. It is said that princes have all the fun, but kings (and crown princes) have all the responsibility. Paris was just having too much fun in life to stop and think about the consequences. Besides there was always an older brother to cover for him, to get him out of any scrapes he landed in and to beat up any 'bully' that he couldn't fight himself. He was just thoughtless, but he was not heartless. He was cowardly, but he was not dishonourable. He was a weak person, but he truly loved his brother (and probably Helen as well). There are so many people like him in real life, we do not have to condemn Paris for just being human. Hector is to be admired, but Paris is to be pitied, more so because he will have to live with the consequences of his own irresponsible action that triggered off this whole thing. He improved later on though, after his brother’s death, when he objected to the celebration of the city and the welcoming of the Trojan horse into the city. But the city, her king and counsellors were too drunk with the sweetness of the unexpected end of war and their supposed victory to exercise any caution, which ultimately proved to be their undoing. After the city fell, he went looking for Briseis in disregard of his safety, which is at the very least a noteworthy improvement from his previous disgusting display of cowardice.

Achilles was THE hero, but one with a surprisingly sensitive heart. He truly loved his cousin, and sought to protect him in every way he could. He was brought to realise that Hector whom he killed and dishonoured in rage had a father who loved him deeply (I loved him from the moment he opened his eyes till the moment you closed them). He loved Briseis enough to release her when she wanted to go, and to look for her again when he knew her to be in mortal danger in the invaded and burning Troy. However, his death was portrayed in a very odd way in the movie, almost as an afterthought.

Great movie with a good storyline, that leaves you with plenty to think about.

The week as it begins

While the last week began poorly and went steadily downhill, I have some reason to feel more optimistic about this week. The first thing I did in the office was to call my tuition kid's mom, and I realised that I do not have to go today. Somehow the prospect of reduced income does not bother me at all in light of the fact that I do not have to travel there tonight after work. Then I called the SRC to book facilities for Law Camp and the job was surprisingly easily accomplished. Even though NPG is back again buzzing around my heels after I thought that I would be rid of him for one day, never mind, I can still take it. Earlier this morning, I thought that he would be using an absent colleague's computer for the day, but no, he does not like it. however, he is surrendering all rights to this computer for the day, in order to have complete claim to it the next. Oh well, whatever suits him I suppose. This must be a low period for his stocks and he does not have to check them every other moment.

A little detour

Took No. 16 to Orchard yesterday and thought that I would stop outside Lucky Plaza. Little did I realise at that time that it was heading the opposite direcion from where I took it and would therefore stop only on another road where the opposing flow of traffic passes through (the traffic is one way outside Lucky Plaza). Went rather a long way off, but when I saw a sign saying 'Tiong Bahru ahead' (meaning we had quite left Orchard behind), I decided to ask the driver. Then I caught another bus back a bit irritated with myself for not making sure beforehand.

There's nothing like a warm fleecy jacket

It was casual dress day at the office so I showed up in jean and a t-shirt, with a casual jacket to match. This is the first time I tested out this new dark grey, woolly jacket in sub-zero temperatures and it proved to be well up to the challenge. I was snug and comfy beneath the light but thick fluffy material and didn't feel one bite of the air-con's wintry chill. I was well pleased with the jacket, and thought it only a pity that it was a bit bulky to bring about and looked too casual for daily office wear.

On hanging out

With so many of us working, major hanging outs only take place on weekends or Friday night and are more precious for their scarcity. A chat with a friend is also rather too hurriedly concluded within a limited time-span. The day really feels short now. Maybe that's why when we get the chance, we really want to stretch it out for as long as is possible, by staying awake till the wee hours of the night.

Last night, the guys met to play games and later we heard about each other's week. Some people really enter into their jobs with much gusto and enthusiasm, or in colloquial terms 'really piah', and derive much benefit and amusement from the experience.

Later we had supper that verged on the brink of beiing breakfast, occurring as late as it did in the night. The venue of choice was of course the neighbouring NUH in which we were the only customers at that time of the night.

On our way back, we passed some ambulance personnel outside the emergency section having difficulty trying to fit a girl into a wheelchair beause she was unconscious and her body was spasming uncontrollably. Her head lolled on the headrest and white mist emanated from the oxygen mask they applied to her nose and mouth. The air around her had a faint reek of alcohol and cigarette smoke.

"The perfume of a night person," a friend said solemnly.

"Maybe she's drugged," another remarked.

We stood and watched gravely as she was wheeled out of sight.

An appeal

Guys, I would really appreciate it if you could leave me a comment or two just to let me know what you thought about the posts on my blog. This is supposed to be a form of interaction, not a one way monologue. Just humour me, k?

The Reality of Life as I see it now

There are a zillion details to pay attention to when preparing a document to send off. Some have to be customized to very precise specifications and of course you have to remember to add your initials to the reference number, make sure the dates and details are just so and when it is perfectly printed on expensive paper, give it back to the partner to endorse, then zap a copy to keep in the file. Aah, there are just so many ways anything could go wrong, particularly if the letter is urgent and you are trying to get things done as quickly as possible.

Ok I make mistakes. Many small careless ones. I catch almost all of them, one by one. Of course when I find a mistake on a printed document I reprint it. NPG cannot keep his tongue still about the amount of paper I am using. I suppose he finds it funny, but if you ask me, I have never been so un-tickled in my life. It comes at a bad moment too, when I am rushing documents off for the partner and picking up a lot of indirect stress from him. I ignore NPG, but I really can't thank him for it.I can't thank him for the smug and self-satisfied way he gleefully tells me not to be so 'kancheong', the way he tells me that I am 'flustered'. As the ultimate proof of his a**holiness, I will say that he even went online to seek the definition of 'flustered'(to put into a state of agitated confusion), in order to ask me whether I thought the definition suited me or not. I first parried the question by asking him the meaning of 'agitated', then when he further attempted to bullshit his way through, told him in a sarcasm-laden voice "I am impressed with your grasp and mastery of the English language". That really quite shut him up, and allowed me some relief.

I have already received several comments about the way I use the paper supplies. I really wouldn't have thought that the supervisor could care about the way I use their paper, but he does. I kinda printed out the whole 55 pages of the bankruptcy act when he wanted me to locate the format of some letter (which I incidently haven't yet found), and he seemed rather taken aback shocked. Then another office girl put on this ''I'm shocked and scandalized' look when she saw me using the laser printer to print out drafts for vetting (when I should have used the desktop to print on used paper), and when I dumped paper that had only been used on one side into the bin (which should have been saved and used on the other side). Really I seem to be shocking a lot of people out of their pants these days, and only over the way I use their paper. I'll have to be very careful about this from now on. I am just amazed that they do not have a paper recycling collection or something. An alien from Mars visiting the office might understandably come to the conclusion that lawyers love trees.

One thing I have noticed is the fact that my supervisor can be rather patient with mistakes, but very irritable about the usage (or misuse) of paper. Really once again I have to wonder aloud: why? Why is paper conservation so important to some members of the office? Letting my imagination run a bit, maybe there had been a time of financial crisis before, and they only pulled through by practising extreme frugality. Alternatively, maybe my supervisor just had a hard childhood and therefore swears by the word 'thrift' and Jane just enjoys being bitchy.

Aside from that, here several more things that I have learnt today:

1)Every document to clients or other law firms must be faxed as well as posted, unless otherwise directed.

2)The same document in duplicates must be signed before duplicating, not vice versa, to avoid marginally different signatures on otherwise identical copies of the document.

3) Documents must be faxed with the print side down.

4) NPG does not understand kindness but defers to the knife-edged tongue.

5) Adopting a policy of "Save our trees, use less paper", is probably the way to go.

I feel like I should probably take a page out of NPG's book and be a little bit more laid-back about some things. I just can't be kicking my adrenalin into overdrive everytime someone wants a letter typed.

Hello world!

(mutters to self ala Gollum): You offers to tell these people a story and what thanks you getss? Treacherousss.. they throws thingssss at you....

Golly, that's neurotic.

Ok, to cut a long story short, neopets guy started calling Bugslife and asked him: Who was Wigo? Bugslife got very kancheong (I suppose, since I only heard one side of the conversation) but NPG was irritatingly know-it-all and laid back about it. I hear that BSL actually guessed my name, upon which NPG was a little taken aback but recovered his composure quickly and DENIED EVERYTHING, abruptly saying that he had to leave and then cutting off the call. After a suitable interval, (BSL must have been counting the minutes over on the other side), the phone rang again.

"It's [Bugslife]", NPG told me, gleefully.

BSL had been racking his brains during the wait, and took another stab in the dark.

"You found out through my Friendster."

That's an idea, NPG thought, and went online to rifle through Bugslife's Friendster files. (all your friends and friends' friends are connected within this system) A simple search revealed that there was no 'Wigo' to be found within his files at all. However, this search proved exceptionally fruitful, as it revealed 3 testimonials under her name, all written by BSL himself. The earliest testimonial was dated October 2003.

"... now that you have gone back to Brunei, every day feels like a year" (NPG over the phone to BSL: 你很恶心， 写 到 这 么 肉 麻！)

"... it's ok that you couldn't come for my birthday, thanks for remembering it. I will certainly remember yours"(NPG to BSL: 你生日都没有请我！)

Oh no, now my conscience is starting to prick me a little. Should I be divulging these 'private conversations?' Just remember, ye who have read this, condemn me not for writing it. I don't mean to hurt anybody, but it was fun writing this. I could almost feel two horns and a tail grow... To limit the extent of NPG's tormenting BSL, I told him I would give him till the school reopened before I would tell BSL the whole story. At this point, he doesn't know what hit him, nor how Jacky got his finger on his most precious, most tender emotional weakness.

A little piece of gossip is tickling my insides...

And I see no harm in saying it here. My circle of readers is yet limited and which is fine for the present -- I'm in no hurry to tell all and sundry about my blog. In fact, I would rather not. Also this piece of gossip gets less sensitive with time and changing circumstances, and by the time it reaches the eyes of anyone to whom it will really matter it might have been declassified long ago.

So back to this piece of gossip, you remind me. Sorry for the digression. Well. Now this involves a guy that most of us know, but are not very familiar with. Naturally, for gossip to be gossip, it would also have to involve a girl too. So, we also have this girl, whom most of us know rather well. Oh dear me, I am taking a long time telling this piece of gossip aren't I? Too bad this isn't a conversation, where you have to bear with every word I say, and wait with a bated breath for the next. (Sorry, once again I must digress, and mention an incident involving my friend Selena, who when I was purposely taking a long time to tell something, said: "I'm not holding my breath you know...")

You don't get it? She was being sarcastic. Anyway, yes yes, back to the gossip, anyway, oh, it also involves neopets guy as well, who happens to know the guy we are talking about. Yes, so neopets guy knows this guy whom (and I'm coming to names now) we must know as Bugslife.

Bugslife was on my msn, so when neopets guy saw his name there,and we realised we were both talking about the same person, and that I knew this person because he is after one of my friends, things got rather interesting. By now, I realise that some of my dear readers are skipping parts in their impatience to know the meat (you realise that you have missed some choice bits up there don't you), but 'torment' is the name of the game. Curiosity, as they say, killed the cat. Still, considering that there is no cat amongst my current readers, only a Loon, a Sotong, a Green Lamb, a Beanpole and a Cactus, this enforced wait cannot be at all fatal. (As a matter of passing interest, I must remark that I rather identify with a Cat in some traits, including the one about curiosity; however, I happen to like dogs better.)

You have reached the end of this blog now. And the gossip? The story half told? I must regretfully say that it is......



....to be continued.....






ok, ok, don't throw things at me! It's in the post above! I swear it is! *oof* *ow*

The Ultimate Blur Queen

Not anyone you might know, but rather the Mom of my tuition kid.

I had arrived on time and had just started teaching her equally blur albeit sweet-natured kid maths, when the doorbell rang. Several times.

"Ignore it", said her mother. "It's probably a salesman."

I asked the kid to bring out her workbook for me to look at her teacher's working, a request that triggered something in her mother's memory.

"Wait a minute," she said, "You are supposed to teach her English. You were supposed to come next Monday"

But I am here now. I realised after the previous maths lesson we agreed that I would teach your kid English, but this time you had asked me to teach her angles again, and I was just obliging you.

"You'll have to leave now." I was like, *WHAT?*

"I told the agent that you would only be coming starting next Monday. Didn't he tell you?" No, don't you know they cut and run after you have given them their fee? And anyway, it's not like you don't have my number. I msged you and told you that I was coming for goodness' sake. Why didn't you answer?

"I don't have my handphone with me" Then why give me that number???

"Why don't you call before coming next time?" First thing I will think of next time lady, thanks for your suggestion.

She gestured in an embarrased way towards the door. "Actually I got my friend's daughter to come and help her revise. She's here now."So that's why you are packing me off. Proper mix-up huh?

But all I said was: "I think this has been an unfortunate mix-up", then quietly packed my things to leave. There was really nothing else to say.

Out of the door, I considered my options: I could quit, or I could stay. The assignment was a fair deal and was at reasonable distance. I would be cutting off my nose to spite my face if I just abruptly quit like that. I decided that I would return the following week. After taking pains to make sure that Blur Queen was indeed expecting my arrival, of course.

Just tired

So I've decided to take a break and blog a bit. I am so frustrated that I seem to be very careless in many small things. Like this morning when I was asked to photocopy a sheaf of documents I actually left one sheet of the original still in the photocopier. Thanks goodness that someone saw it and told me. I can't begin to think how I might account for a missing sheet to the partner if I am asked. Photocopying of all things! such a simple job. *hrumph*

Then as I was clearing some misprints from the photocopier I acidentally threw away a sheet of someone elses printout 'cos I thought that it was one of my misprints. Ok la, it was retrievable and the damage was not irreversible, but still... Why don't I stop awhile and check? I cannot keep on doing things in this way. Careless, careless, careless.

Maybe I should take a step back and tell myself to relax.

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Logged onto the other blog and saw Rainbow's orbituary. Rainbow was (is) a friend's hamster (and always shall be in her memory), who died sometime before 8am today. She was only one or two months old.

Yups. So this is how my week begins.

Saturday afternoons are too few and too far between

It's time to get people to look at this blog. I find that I do not have the impetus to blog if I think that nobody is going to look at it nor to think over the contents. So Hello! everybody. Welcome. Will try to post regularly. Maybe I'll post more personal blogs here and save the blogs of Octopeer activities for our group blog, though there might be some overlap.

Checking my e-mail this morning I came across a forwarded e-mail by a friend that dealt in part about friendships and about life as a student in general. Some parts of the passage cut so particularly close to my life that they touched my heart:

"I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy, and pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart"
- I must remember that I can't just convince mself that any particular situation is adequate just because I happen to be in it at the moment, but instead learn to recognise what is really suitable or unsuitable for me.

Some insights sound good, and I wish I could say the same of myself, but I have yet to obtain a personal understanding of them:

"I've learnt that it is okay to mess-up... it's okay to feel like crap"
- I still get very anxious about mistakes made -- sometimes it is hard to see past them. And if I really feel bad about something, I tend to take it as a personal failure more than a learning experience.

Some insights though, I beg to differ:

"It's okay to complain and whine to your friends for a whole day"
- Humans have a limit to their tolerance. Complaining and whining saps others' tolerance and since you are not proactively trying to solve this problem yourself, there is no way they can help you -- you are just unloading onto others, which is not fair to them and counterproductive to yourself.

"Time and love can heal all things"
- Too simplistic, no? It's discounting the wounds that we can suffer. Maybe qualified into something like 'time and love can ease the pain of many wounds', it would be more acceptable.

This is a precious, precious gem of a Saturday afternoon, when I don't have to work and most of my (nocturnal) friends are still soundly sleeping. I am actually in my room, before my dear old laptop, paying some attention to myself and my feelings. I so need time like that. Now that I am interning full-time, and spending my nights with PGP friends, I am almost compromising this alone time, which becomes even more precious in its scarcity. Don't get me wrong, I am glad for this internship, and even more thankful for friends to spend nights with, but I am just compelled to regretfully contemplate the absolute necessity of choosing to spend your time on something rather than the other